A Different Approach to Consent and Accountability

Most men want to be trusted, have meaningful relationships, and treat the people they care about well. But wanting to do the right thing and knowing how to navigate boundaries, vulnerability, and accountability aren’t always the same thing.

In this episode of Man Alive, I’m joined by Martin Henson, executive director of B Men, community organizer, and former therapist, to explore consent and how honest conversations among men can open the door to better connections and relationships.

Martin shares what he learned from creating spaces where men could talk honestly about times they’d caused harm and times their own boundaries had been crossed.

One of the most striking insights from our conversation is that many men are taught to push through discomfort rather than recognize their own limits. Martin reflects that he hadn’t learned what his own “No” sounded like.

This raises the question: How can we learn to recognize and respect someone else’s boundaries if we haven’t learned to recognize our own?

We explored how traditional expectations of masculinity can make vulnerability difficult, and what restorative justice offers as we look beyond punishment toward accountability, repair, and preventing future harm.

This isn’t about excusing harmful behavior or diminishing accountability. It’s about understanding what helps us recognize their impact, take responsibility, and make different choices.

In this conversation, we explore:

• What consent means and why recognizing our own boundaries matters
• How masculinity can shape our relationship with discomfort and vulnerability
• Why meaningful accountability requires more than telling people to be better
• How restorative justice can support repair and prevent future harm
• How we can take the needs of the person who was harmed seriously while addressing the behavior of the person who caused harm

This conversation is about men, but the questions reach all of us: What helps people take responsibility? And how can we create relationships and communities where compassion and accountability coexist?